After lots of thinking and self-reflection today, I met Jonathan to work on some of the business side of writing (aka sending my novel out to a bunch of agents) and talk about love, life, and librarianship. Jonathan and I talked about our respective new relationships, the excitement that came with it, the frustrations with publishing, our writing, our inspiration, our careers, while drinking hot cocoa in super-cute El Beit. I felt inspired and excited and hopeful - about my writing, about my love, about friendship, about life.
Riding home on my beloved purple bike, Mabel, I passed many other cyclists: girls in short skirts, guy in skinny jeans on skinny bikes, and me, in my thick fun tights, hair flying in the window, speeding straight ahead into a view of the beautiful NYC skyline of the Empire State Building and the Chrysler Building. It suddenly struck me how LUCKY I am.
Recently, I've been through some rough patches...my grandfather passing away was a huge loss. Everything's not perfect in my life; I work for a great organization doing what I love - but I don't get paid nearly enough. (It's the love for what I do that keeps me going there. Nonprofits come with a price, and I'm glad I'm making a difference in the world.) My apartment is a little crazy right now, especially with all the dust bunnies (and occasional dead mouse, courtesy of my kitty!). I think of my friends in the suburbs, snug in their cozy houses and I think about what I want - is it that? And then I think about what someone said earlier today: "To move to the suburbs is to die."
My plans are faded, my future fuzzy. I'm just living day by day, striding towards excellence however I can. I'm excited about the Javelina Jundred in less than 3 weeks; I'm enjoying the magic of being in love; I'm hopeful about my writing; I'm loving my kitty; I'm loving Superchunk's new CD; I love living in a neighborhood where you can go to a cafe and write and then hit up a bar and then still get Thai food and then walk along the skyline, thinking about life and love and talking about how to make it all work. It doesn't make sense to so many, but it does to me. I'm in touch with everything good right now. This good mood - I don't know how long it will last, but I love it right now.