14 January 2008

i don't want any

the past few days, due to some health issues, i've been ordered on bed rest. it's been nice. i've read a lot, learned who some of my real friends are, ate a lot of soup (thanks Mom & Cara), slept a ton, spent quality time with Luna, wrote V some pretty fabulously long letters, chatted on the phone, dreamed and plotted about travel, talked with trish about jewelry, spent some time with my fam and too much time in doctor's offfices. it's been quite hard, actually.

when trish was over last night, she kept yelling at me, "stay still! you're not supposed to be moving around!" it's really hard for me to not run around all over the place--that's just how i am. today i worked at home and it was actually with enthusiasm that i tackled my work (i missed work last monday afternoon, all thursday, and friday half days). i had some interesting tasks and focused quite well.

post-work, i realized i needed to get yogurt, and since i'm picky about the yogurt i like (brown cow lowfat vanilla yogurt), i didn't want to ask someone else to go to the store on my behalf, and i'm almost okay...so i walked to the store to get it.

i saw all of the things i had missed (or rather, not missed!) the past few days...the hipsters...the way the hood is changing...construction of stores...trash on streets...and i missed the comfort of my bed...

it made me realize there are things i don't want and i am not going to take it. i'm not going to do things i don't want. i know after t moves in, it will be blamed on the fact that i am devoting all my time to him...but that's not it at all. i am spending time alone, doing what i want, and this is how i want to live my life.

to write, to run, to dream, to travel, to be...

to be me.

1 comment:

Venessa said...

do you think it was partly your body's way of telling you to sloooow down? our bodies have interesting ways of reminding us that we're doing too much....but i'm glad you're feeling better now! and realizing what makes you happy and how to go about getting it. the interesting things our minds tell us when we are forced to take a time out....