21 January 2008


i'm about to go through some major changes in my life. my partner of eight and a half years (including a year of instability) is moving into my decent-sized (for nyc; elsewhere, it would be considered small) apt. i guess i'm trying to figure out what i want out of life.

i know i don't want the traditional things. my little sister is engaged, having a big fairytale long island wedding next autumn, lives with her fiance who owns their house, is set up for an american dream lifestyle involving babies (at some point, not soon, i hope, because i'm not ready to watch home birthing videos)--and i'm really happy for her. i'm actually excited about throwing her a bridal shower/bachelorette party (well, really the bachelorette party b/c that is very untraditional and will be super fun; the bridal shower will involve a brunch and other sorts of fun). a lot of the traditions surrounding weddings seem rather antiquated these days.

i feel like my parents look at her and think she is doing the "right" thing. i wouldn't mind getting married, but when i think of getting married, i think, "what country would i go to to celebrate my occasion? what a great excuse for traveling!" my goals are different--a RTW in a few years, getting my books published (but they need a helluva lot of editing right now, which is what i'm doing, with special thanks to v), running more ultras, eventually doing 50 mile and 100 mile races...i don't know. i'm not sure if these are "acceptable" goals, but they're mine and i'm happy with them.

i'm going to live my life--writing, editing, running, reading, traveling, drinking good tea, loving...and enjoy it. i'm not going to listen to pressures, have people tell me i'm weird b/c i never want to own a car, have people tell me i'm destroying my knees, have people telling me NO...i won't listen to NO.

i will only listen to yes...my internal YES.

1 comment:

V said...

they are acceptable goals because they are YOUR goals. i think part of my depression lately stemmed from the fact that i feel my goals right now are all too traditional and/or cut-throat. i got really scared last night thinking about all this money i'm paying for school and what if i don't get a job....and then perhaps going for three more years of school with a bunch of arrogant competitors whose goals are different than mine....but i digress.

at least you have goals, some people don't, or some people don't ever change their goals and hold on to that one that's just out of reach and always will be. not that it's wrong to have high goals, but they have to be somewhat realistic.

and i think you have very realistic goals. and they're fun goals!