28 April 2005


i went to colorado for nearly a week and had a wonderful time. i felt so free. no work, no apt that needed to be swept, mopped, scrubbed, no dealing with annoying cell phone calls, with hating work and annoying commutes. instead i relaxed, saw friends, and stared at the beautiful views.

i feel so mellow, so chill still. the pace of life here in nyc is a bit too much at times, and i hate bullshit at work. taking off has helped me feel so relaxed. nothing like a little distance to put life into perspective. seeing old friends was wonderful, and i really missed colorado.

i feel it's hard for me to write abt this, so i'll include some stuff i wrote in my journal:

colorado is filled with a beauty and a cleanliness unlike new york. the people here allow less chaos into their lives. i feel since i left here i have tremendous growth--juggling a full-time corporate job with library school, seeing t leave, etc--it's been hard, but i've learned what's important to me--family, friends, writing, staying true to myself. this trip is heaven--i think of how nice it was to live in boulder, yet i call new york city home.
for the first time in a while, i feel at peace.
people are impressed at how i'll be getting my MLS, going to europe, being a professional librarian (yet i like to focus on my writing as who i am, not my work). it's wonderful to see the trails i used to run on, the mountains i used to gaze at, the friends who helped me with way too much. i feel more settled, more grownup, although the energetic cheryl is coming out.
v's life seems much calmer compared to mine, more relaxed. i envy the many elements of her life--such as growing her garden--and i delight in the beauty of nature that colorado and v share with me.
so many memories...so much love. i left too soon, even as i was here.
i can't believe how much i've missed colorado, and how much i will miss it: my true friends, the wonderful health food stories, pearl street (yes, even the wonderful restaurants and cute stores), gorgeous mountain views. i miss tea at the dushanbe-boulder tea house, naropa chai, knowing familiar faces everywhere i go. i love it in boulder. my insane schedule in nyc accomodates my job, not my life.
i can't believe the snow, the rain, and cold, but i can say i had a wonderful time. i feel so relaxed, so at ease, so completely comfortable in my skin.
i wonder why i was in such a rush to leave.

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